


Shepard and Spectre -- The Shepard Papers I

by kewlwarez



Series: The Shepard Papers [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-19 10:37:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13702746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kewlwarez/pseuds/kewlwarez
Summary: Soldier, lover, saviour of the galaxy, she fought and wenched her way to glory, stealing a few hearts (among other things) along the way to ending the Reaper menace once and for all, dragged kicking and screaming all the way.The Shepard Papers were discovered almost two hundred years after the death of commander Shepard. In this, her autobiography, Shepard revealed the side of her not taught in school or shown in the endless entertainments made of her life, revealing she was a cad and a coward, a bully who had the great misfortune to always turn up at the right time in the wrong place.This is the well known story of the Reaper Wars as lived by commander Shepard





	1. Chapter 1

_Shepard, Urdnot Harriet. Spectre, Admiral (honorary), Commander, Star of Terra, Thanks of the council, Gratitude of the Matriarchs, Honour Of Palaven (first class), Volus Grand Bargain, Salarian Science Cluster, various minor medals . B 2154, admiral Hannah Shepard, Gerald Shepard. Educ: University of Arcturus, Alliance N7 training. M. dr Liara T'Soni, d. Benezia T'Soni, Aethyta; seven d. Served: Alliance Marines, Skyllian Blitz (medals, thanks of parliament); Battle of Eden Prime. Served Council Spectre, Hunt for Saren, Battle of the Citadel, Battle for Omega, Final War against the Reapers. Served Cerberus, Collectors War. Travelled extensively in military and civilian capacities Military advisor Clan Urdnot; chief of staff to Aria T'Loak, Omega; honorary teacher New Grissom Academy; ambassador to the Rachni Queen, Utukku; patron, Elcor Reduced Shakespeare Company; director Binary Helix. Mission for the Reclamation of Reduced Asari. Recreation: Mako, Hammerhead racing, recreational shooting, model building, fish breeding._

 


	2. Introduction

The discovery, in a long abandoned warehouse on Omega of what the popular press insisted on labeling the "Shepard Papers" – in reality a series of some fifty outdated datapads – five years ago, almost two hundred years to the day after commander[1] Shepard's death caused a predictable curiosity. Up until then it was not suspected the commander had ever written about her experiences of her youth, therefore the mere possibility of getting her view of those momentous events of four hundred years ago awoke an understandable curiosity. For those few privileged enough to get a glimpse at the content of these datapads however, curiosity quickly gave way to consternation.

It turned out that the good commander had been very truthful in her reminiscences and the image she depicted of herself, as well as of several of her comrades in arms, was a far cry of the heroine we all know and learned about in school. In these circumstances the company in whose physical possession the datapads were was understandably wary of releasing them to the general public without a thorough investigation towards their authenticity first, which is where I came in.

As the foremost human authority to the history of the Reaper Wars and commander Shepard's role in it, it was no more than natural that I was asked to both investigate and edit the papers. This task turned out to be more difficult than first imagined, as the surviving members of Shepard's crew during the wars were not available for consultation. Both Urdnot Wrex and Urdnot Grunt refused all cooperation, while commander Shepard's widow, doctor Liara T'soni, has not been seen in Council Space in the last three decades.

Verification of the "Shepard Papers" therefore required old fashioned historical research, starting with the datapads themselves, which were determined to be between 250 and 300 years old, which fitted in with the internal chronology of the papers. Research afterwards was concentrated on confirming the events described in the papers and seeing how they matched up with the official historical record.

Having done so, I now have no reason to doubt that the Papers are a truthful account of commander Shepard's adventures. Where she touches on matters that could be verified independently she is almost invariably accurate; readers can judge whether she's to believed on more personal matters.

The picture she sketches of herself in these papers, as said, is at odds with that of official biography. She depicts herself as a bully and a coward, a wencher who was not above a spot of plunder either when the occasion presented itself. She's frank and honest about her flaws, yet at the same time, glimpses of her more well known qualities, her leadership, ability to make allies quickly, decisiveness in combat, also shine through. Uncommon for a woman of her generation, she genuinely seemed to have had no problems with other species and could strike up a friendship with people no matter who they were. Editing the papers was a minor task; the commander had a good sense of narrative and other than matters of spelling I had to do little to make the story presentable to a larger audience.

\--GMF, New Eden, 2596 CE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Though she had gotten the honorary rank of admiral at the end of the Reaper Wars, Shepard was and is invariably referenced to as commander in the popular press and historical documents, a tradition I've adhered to here.


	3. War Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the first time Shepard had been proposed as a Spectre candidate I knew she'd be trouble. Looking at her career there was nothing that suggested she'd be anything but a thick necked jarhead. I feared that if she was chosen to be a Spectre, to be out there in the Galaxy representing the best of humanity, she'd be a elephant in a porcelain shop. I was right. She was rude, she was offensive, she was a coward and a bully. And god help us, she was the best hope for humanity. – **Ambassador Udina: War Diaries 2183-2186**

Poor Udina. To think he of all people came closer than any of my friends in understanding my true character. We were too much alike perhaps for him not to realise that like him, I was indeed a coward and a bully. 

It was hard not to laugh reading his description of me in his newly released diaries. He had me dead to rights, but a 150 years on it hardly mattered. It had taken so long to release them because people thought I would be offended. Far from it. My reputation was safe, couldn't be smeared by the petty revelations of a long dead traitor. I'd won, and reading his rantings was the best form of celebration -- apart from when I‘d finally killed him of course..

Reading on there was not much there that wasn’t familiar to me, nothing much to put a new spin on these long gone days. “ _I could do better_ ”, I thought,as the imp of perversion struck me with the idea to write my own diaries and really shock some people.

Retirement on Rannoch was cozy but dull and even with the occasional affair to keep my hand in, there was nothing much to occupy my days but to look at my little blue grandchildren playing Spectre and Reaper with their uncle Grunt.

Writing the truth about the Reaper Wars and my role in it would be ...amusing. 

It would mean writing the truth about Ashley. 

Ashley Williams. 

She was dead of course, lacking the longevity fixes the Lawsons and I shared. Her funeral had been the last official reunion of the _Normandy_ crew, a great gala with all the pomp and pomposity the Alliance and Council could muster for one of the saviors of the Galaxy. The rest of the universe saw her a larger than life superhero, but to me she would always be the angry, outraged woman who had nearly decked me when I suggested she and Liara could ...share me.

That had been a moment of terror that had stood out even against the background of low grade fear and paranoia I’d been under ever since we had landed on Eden Prime. Even now it didn't matter that the Reaper Wars were more than a century and a half in the past. Just thinking about Ashley and I was there again, back on Eden Prime, alongside her and Kaidan Alenko, fighting off seemingly unending hordes of Geth, scared shitless and trying not to show it.

In my nightmares I can still hear that metallic chatter Geth made during combat, that hideous screech as you killed one and knew a dozen more would move in, see the glare of those stupid flash lights coming around a corner. I knew my wife had them too, I'd been woken up by her too often not to

_Dear sweet Liara._

Even when we first met I knew that innocent, naive archaeologist act of hers was as phony as my war hero one. We were two of a kind and we recognised each other immediately. We could each fool the universe, but never each other. She knew I was a coward, never as heroic as everybody else made me out to be and I knew that behind her innocent façade was a soul old in sin. 

No wonder it had been love at first sight.

Not that this had ever stopped me from pursuing other women. There had been so many of them over the Reaper Wars, they almost made the nights in which I hid in my quarters puking my guts out worthwhile. I remember them all. Liara, Ashley, Samantha, the adorable chess playing comms nerd, Jack the psychotic biotic, Miranda and Oriana Lawson – sadly never together –, Kelly Chambers. There were always plenty of people willing to comfort Commander Shepard.

Though it had been a mistake to take some of them up on their offer. Even if neither she nor I knew it at the time, sleeping with the estranged father of your estranged lover is just not done.

Liara knew all about them of course, if not at the time then later, when she had become the Shadow Broker. Not that she could talk. I've suspected her of more than her fair share of dalliances as well ever since I caught Kaidan making goo-goo eyes at her on the first _Normandy_. It made the decision who to save on Virmire that much easier.. 

As I sat there reminiscing I decided the time indeed had come to write those diaries, shock the Galaxy and hopefully finally lay to rest those fears that still sometimes kept me up at night. 

Had I known then what I knew now, I would've run away as far from that blasted ship the _Normandy_ as I could, find a safe hole to crawl into and let somebody else save the galaxy. But that's hindsight talking. At the time I was as blessedly ignorant as a newborn babe.


End file.
